Bringing common sense with a grain of salt back to parenting!
Letting your imagination run wild isn’t always a safety strategy ... and picturing every trip to the mall as a Netflix crime documentary gets really exhausting. (For you and for your teen.)
Mistake: Letting your imagination run wild with worst-case scenarios.
Consequence: “No, you can’t go to the mall — people have disappeared in malls.”
Reality Check: Protecting kids should mean balancing safety with letting them live.
Parenting comes with a free gift: an overactive imagination. The moment your baby arrives, your brain gets rewired into a 24/7 risk-assessment engine. Baby coughs? Pneumonia. Toddler climbs on the couch? Certain concussion. Teen doesn’t text back in five minutes? Obviously kidnapped by pirates with strong Wi-Fi.
But here’s the problem: when we parent from fear of the worst-case scenario, we trade trust for control. And while fear feels protective, it often ends up doing the opposite — clipping teens’ wings just when they’re supposed to be practicing how to fly.
THE ISSUE
Picture this:
Your teen asks to take the bus downtown with friends.
Instantly, your brain runs a highlight reel of every news story about assaults, abductions, and gangs since 1997.
By the time they’ve finished asking, you’re already shaking your head. “No. Too dangerous.”
In your mind, you’ve prevented disaster. In their mind, you’ve just declared: “I don’t trust you to survive outside this house without me holding your hand.”
The tension here is obvious. You want to keep them safe. They want freedom. And both are valid needs. The problem comes when safety is defined as zero risk. Spoiler: zero risk doesn’t exist. Not in malls, not in schools, not even in their own bedrooms (hello, Lego injuries).
Fear-based parenting confuses vigilance with control. It mistakes “eliminating risk” for “preparing them for it.”
WHY PARENTS DO THIS
Parents don’t imagine worst-case scenarios because they’re irrational. They imagine them because they’re human — and in love with a developing human who’s now roaming the earth unsupervised. A few reasons it happens:
The wiring of love. Fear is baked into the parenting package. The stronger the love, the stronger the panic button.
The 24-hour news cycle. We’re constantly bombarded with horror stories — abductions, accidents, catastrophes, clowns who have gotten out of control, rabid racoons. It doesn’t matter that the odds are astronomically small; your brain fixates on the possibility.
Personal history. Maybe you had a scary experience at 16. Maybe you’ve seen friends make dangerous choices. We tend to project those old fears onto your teens.
Family culture. Some parents specialize in catastrophic thinking. (“Wear a sweater, or you’ll get pneumonia. Don’t go camping, you’ll be eaten by bears. Don’t eat watermelon after dark, it’ll explode in your stomach.”)
Control feels safer than uncertainty. If you can limit where they go and what they do, the number of unknowns drops. Unfortunately, so does their chance to practice real-world skills.
Parents even rationalize it: “If I assume the worst, I’ll always be prepared.” But here’s the catch — your constant vigilance often teaches them to fear the world instead of navigate it.
HOW THIS HARMS TEENS (AND US)
Parenting out of the worst-case scenarios zone can backfire in many ways. It:
Limits independence. If they never get to take small risks, they won’t learn how to manage big ones.
Fuels anxiety. Your fear becomes their worldview. If you see the world as dangerous, they may too.
Damages trust. If they think you’ll overreact, they stop sharing details. The less you know, the more you fear — vicious cycle.
Stifles problem-solving. Challenges teach resilience. Shielding them leaves them unprepared.
Strains the relationship. Nobody enjoys being treated like they’re made of glass. Teens start pushing limits just to prove they can.
WHY IT’S TEMPTING TO KEEP DOING IT
Because fear works — in the short term. Saying no eliminates the scary variable right now. But the long-term cost is high: anxious teens, resentful teens, or teens who rebel harder once the leash comes off.
AVOIDING THE TRAP
The good news? You don’t need to choose between “total lockdown” and “total freedom.” The middle ground is about balancing protection with preparation.
Reality-Check Your Fears. Ask yourself: Is this risk likely, or just scary? Do I have data, or just a mental crime-show montage? Naming fears helps shrink them. “I’m picturing an accident, but the odds are low if they follow basic rules.”
Separate Your Past from Their Present. Your bad breakup at 16 doesn’t mean your teen will repeat it. Don’t parent them as a carbon copy of you.
Build Safety into Independence. Instead of “no,” try “yes, with conditions.” (“Yes, you can go to the concert — text when you arrive and leave with friends.” or “Yes, you can camp — send me the location and have an emergency contact.”)
Practice Letting Go in Doses. Start with low-stakes freedoms: solo bus rides, errands, local hangouts. Both you and your teen build confidence gradually.
Teach Risk Management, Not Just Risk Avoidance. Instead of “Don’t go anywhere unsafe,” say: "Keep your phone charged" or "Trust your gut if something feels wrong" or "Know your exits." This shifts the goal from “stay home forever” to “navigate wisely.”
Don’t Dump Your Anxiety on Them. Yes, you’re nervous. But narrating your worst-case imaginings out loud (“What if you get stabbed?”) just hands them your fears. Keep it simple: “Here’s the plan to stay safe.”
Focus on the Long Game. Adolescence is rehearsal for adulthood. Better they stumble under your watch than freeze later with no practice.
MISTAKES TO AVOID
Turning every “what if” into a hard rule.
Assuming the safest option is always the best one.
Over-sharing vivid fears.
Waiting until adulthood to give them any freedom.
THE BALANCE BETWEEN PROTECTION & FREEDOM
Parenting isn’t about eliminating risk. It’s about teaching how to navigate it. Protection without independence raises anxious kids. Independence without protection raises reckless ones. Balance is the sweet spot — where fear whispers, but trust speaks louder.
THE PAYOFF
When you trade fear-driven parenting for trust-building parenting:
Teens become better decision-makers because they’ve had practice.
Your relationship shifts from “warden and prisoner” to “coach and player.”
They respect safety rules instead of resenting them.
You stop burning energy on unlikely disasters and start investing in real experiences together.
And maybe — just maybe — also you’ll discover that the world isn’t as dangerous as your imagination makes it. Or at least, that your teen can handle more of it than you thought.
© Kristijan Musek Lešnik, 2025
