Bringing common sense with a grain of salt back to parenting!
Parenting in the 2020s comes with a new pressure: being “natural.” It’s no longer enough to raise a child — you must raise them organically, sustainably, toxin-free, screen-free, sugar-free, and ideally while baking your own bread. While there’s nothing wrong with healthy ideals, when they turn into shame (for yourself or others), they stop helping and start hurting.
Mistake: Believing (or spreading) that only “pure” parenting — cloth diapers, organic everything, zero screens, home-churned yogurt — is real parenting.
Consequence: “I was up all night hand-weaving diapers from hemp fibers I foraged in a moonlit field, but at least my child will never touch polyester.” ... "If you haven’t fermented your own baby wipes, are you even a parent?"
Reality Check: Babies don’t care if their bibs are artisanal or from Target. They care about love, presence, and not sitting in a dirty diaper.
THE ISSUE
Once upon a time, “natural parenting” meant your mom gave you an apple instead of a Twinkie. Today, it can feel like an entire lifestyle brand with its own Pinterest board.
Parents swap stories about cloth diapering, extended breastfeeding, baby-wearing, co-sleeping, elimination communication, screen-free homes, toxin-free everything, and meals featuring vegetables grown in backyard permaculture gardens.
Don’t get me wrong. Individually, none of these choices are bad. Many are lovelyand worthy. But collectively, they can feel like an impossible checklist — and a measuring stick.
Because lurking underneath is the unspoken suggestion of the »everything natural« cult: If you’re not doing it all, you’re doing it wrong. So when your baby is wearing a disposable diaper because you forgot the cloth stash in the dryer, or when you grab a pouch of applesauce instead of pureeing hand-picked organic pears, you feel a stab of guilt.
And guilt has a way of turning into shame — and shame is one of the fastest ways to ruin the joy of early parenthood.
WHY PARENTS DO THIS
We fall into “natural parenting” shaming — of ourselves or others — for reasons that actually make sense:
Because We Want the Best. We love our kids. We want to protect them. So when an article says “plastic bottles cause brain fog” or “only organic will save their tiny guts,” we panic and vow to go natural — at any cost.
Because Social Media Amplifies Extremes. On Instagram, parents post handwoven hammocks, babies in heirloom linen, and kitchens full of homemade oat milk. You don’t see the takeout containers hidden just out of frame.
Because Parenting Is Uncertain. Nobody really knows if we’re doing it “right.” Natural parenting feels like control: if we avoid toxins, buy bamboo everything, and reject modern shortcuts, we’ve “done our best.”
Because Consumer Culture Hijacks It. Ironically, “natural” has become big business. Want toxin-free shampoo? $18. Organic teething biscuits? $7 for a box of 12. It’s not just parenting; it’s consumer identity.
Because Judging Others Feels Safer Than Feeling Insecure. If you secretly feel guilty about using disposable wipes, it’s tempting to point out someone else’s plastic toy. Nothing bonds parents faster than mutual judgment — and nothing divides faster, either.
Our Stone Age predecessors probably stuck to the same parenting strategies for millennia. These days, trends can change not over decades, but within just a few years.
Then (1980s/90s):
Diapers: disposables, period. Nobody bragged about hemp.
Food: jarred baby food. Gerber carrots = done.
Toys: plastic, loud, battery-operated (and yes, probably painted with lead).
Parenting books: a handful, often contradictory. You read one or two and trusted your gut.
Judgment: maybe side-eye from your neighbor, but mostly private.
Now (2020s):
Diapers: cloth, biodegradable, or “elimination communication” (translation: training babies to use toilets before they can walk).
Food: homemade purées, baby-led weaning, organic-only, local, pesticide-free, non-GMO.
Toys: wood, Montessori-approved, eco-friendly, painted with vegetable dye by fair-trade artisans.
Parenting advice: millions of blogs, influencers, podcasts, TikTok tips, and contradictory experts.
Judgment: public, immediate, and global — because the internet never sleeps.
The result? Even the most confident parent second-guesses themselves, while others post “perfectly natural” lives that look less like parenting and more like a boutique wellness retreat.
HOW THIS HARMS CHILDREN (AND US)
You’d think children benefit from “natural parenting,” right? Sometimes, yes. But the harm often outweighs the good when it’s done in the spirit of shame.
Stressed Parents = Stressed Kids. Babies sense our emotions. If mealtime is a guilt spiral over pesticide residue, kids pick up on the tension.
Modeling Perfectionism. When kids grow up seeing parents beat themselves up for not being “perfect,” they learn that mistakes are unacceptable.
Divides Communities. Instead of support, parents turn competitive. Cloth vs. disposable, puree vs. baby-led weaning — these rivalries erode solidarity.
Financial Strain. Organic everything isn’t cheap. Families overstretch budgets for products that make no real difference to child health.
Missed Joy. When parenting becomes a purity checklist, we miss the silly, joyful moments — like letting a toddler smear peanut butter everywhere without worrying if it’s “non-GMO certified.”
Shame Is Contagious. If you shame yourself, your kids learn shame. If you shame others, kids learn judgment. Neither is a recipe for empathy.
WHY IT’S TEMPTING TO KEEP DOING IT
Because short-term, it feels good. Buying organic gives us a sense of control. Cloth diapers make us feel virtuous. Shaming someone else’s juice box makes us feel less alone.
But long-term? It creates exhausted parents, competitive cliques, and children who equate love with perfection.
AVOIDING THE TRAP
Here’s the good news: we can value natural parenting without falling into the shame spiral. Here are some ways to help us retain common sense:
Redefine “Natural”. “Natural” doesn’t mean hand-spun flax diapers. Natural is what fits your family. Sometimes that’s organic kale. Sometimes it’s microwaved nuggets. Babies thrive in both.
Practice “Good Enough” Parenting. Instead of aiming for perfect, aim for good enough. Disposable diaper? Fine. Organic broccoli? Great. Drive-thru fries? Still fine, occasionally. Babies need love, not kale chips. Think of it like cooking: sometimes you’re Julia Child, sometimes you’re opening a can of beans. Both keep everyone alive.
Use the 80/20 Rule. Eat organic when you can. Use cloth diapers sometimes. Skip it when you’re tired. 80% effort is plenty. The last 20% is where shame breeds — and joy dies.
Laugh at the Extremes. When someone posts a handwoven diaper tutorial, treat it like performance art. Admire, chuckle, move on. Not everything is a personal indictment.
Diversify Your Feed. Follow parents who are real. The ones who admit they use Goldfish crackers as currency. Curate your online world so you see honesty, not just hemp perfection.
Call Out the Shame Spiral. If you catch yourself thinking, I’m a bad parent because I bought baby food in a jar, stop. Reframe: I’m a good parent who kept my baby fed. That’s success.
Support, Don’t Judge. If you see another parent with a McDonald’s bag, smile. You don’t know their story. Solidarity beats superiority every time.
Save the Money, Spend the Love. Instead of $20 eco-biscuits, buy a cheap pack of blocks and spend an afternoon building towers. Your child won’t remember the biscuits. They’ll remember you being present..
THE PAYOFF
When we step back from “natural parenting” shaming, we reclaim:
Sanity: less guilt, more joy.
Community: parents supporting each other instead of competing.
Flexibility: doing what works for your family, not Instagram’s.
Childhood joy: sticky fingers, messy smiles, silly moments — not purity checklists.
Because here’s the truth: your baby doesn’t care if their diaper was hemp or Huggies. They care if you smiled at them, comforted them, and showed up with love.
Years from now, your kids won’t say, “Thanks for the pesticide-free broccoli.” They’ll say, “Thanks for reading to me. Thanks for snuggling me. Thanks for laughing when I spilled juice everywhere.”
So let’s raise kids, not guilt. Let’s give them love, not lectures about handwoven diapers.
Because natural parenting isn’t about perfection. It’s about being a natural parent — the one your child already thinks is perfect..
© Kristijan Musek Lešnik, 2025
