Bringing common sense with a grain of salt back to parenting!
Hormones plus unfinished prefrontal cortex equals emotional volatility. So they’re probably not plotting your downfall — they just need a snack and maybe a nap.
Mistake: Mistaking hormonal turbulence for moral failure.
The truth: If we judged adults by Monday mornings, half of us would be classified as trolls.
Reality Check: Emotions are weather, not climate — they pass, but your response decides what they learn.
Living with a teen is like checking the weather every 15 minutes: sunshine at breakfast, thunderstorms by lunch, rainbows at dinner. The trap for parents is assuming these shifting skies reflect “who they are” instead of “what they’re feeling.” Treating every mood swing as a character flaw doesn’t make them steadier — it just makes them ashamed. This chapter shows how to stop moralizing hormones, start normalizing emotions, and maybe save a few doors from being slammed in the process.
THE ISSUE
Living with a teenager is a lot like living in a climate zone no meteorologist can predict. One moment it’s sunny — they’re joking in the kitchen, humming along to music, even voluntarily talking about their day. Five minutes later, a thundercloud rolls in: door slams, eye rolls, sarcasm, muttering about how life is unfair because the Wi-Fi lags by 0.3 seconds.
You, the parent, are left bewildered, staring at the shifting weather patterns like a farmer without an umbrella. Do you plant crops or build an ark?
It’s tempting — dangerously tempting — to interpret these shifting moods as deep flaws. You might mutter under your breath: “She’s so dramatic. He’s so lazy. They’re impossible.” But what you’re really doing is mistaking turbulence for identity. A thunderstorm is not climate change; it’s just Tuesday at 4:15 p.m.
WHY PARENTS DO THIS (Selective Amnesia and Emotional Exhaustion)
Let’s be brutally honest: teen mood swings are exhausting to live with. You’re juggling bills, deadlines, car maintenance, and you’re expected to have a calm reaction when your 16-year-old bursts into tears because the dog looked at them weird.
Here’s why many parents label mood swings as flaws:
Frustration. It’s easier to throw up your hands and label them “difficult” than to recognize they’re navigating emotional growing pains.
Generational amnesia. You’ve forgotten how intense emotions felt at that age. You remember the fun parts — the music, the friendships, the feeling of possibility — but conveniently block out the weeks you cried over a breakup that lasted shorter than a Netflix trial.
Fear. You worry that the anger, the tears, the silence mean something darker: depression, rebellion, unhappiness, bad influences.
Cultural expectations. We glorify emotional consistency. Adults who don’t get rattled are “mature.” But adolescence is by definition inconsistent. It’s like praising a rollercoaster for being flat.
Misinterpreting independence. When your teen pulls away, you take it personally — as rejection — instead of recognizing it as developmental training for adulthood.
And let’s not underestimate the role of snack logistics. A surprising percentage of mood swings can be solved with a sandwich.
HOW THIS HARMS TEENS (AND US)
If you treat every grumpy sigh or sarcastic reply as evidence of a personality defect, your teen might absorb:
Shame around emotions. They start to believe that feeling frustrated, sad, or irritable makes them a “bad kid.” So they hide feelings instead of processing them.
Reduced self-awareness. Instead of reflecting — “Why am I feeling off today?” — they learn to focus on avoiding your reaction.
Strained relationships. If they sense you’re always waiting to pounce on their moods, they’ll retreat. Conversations shrink, honesty withers, and the emotional distance grows.
Unrealistic expectations. You model the false idea that “good people” are emotionally stable 24/7. Spoiler: even adults aren’t. (Exhibit A: your meltdown last week when the printer jammed.)
Mental health risks. Teens already hesitate to open up. If you label every mood shift as “bad attitude,” they’re less likely to come to you when it is something serious.
Here’s also the subtle but lasting harm: they internalize the idea that emotions are character defects.
AVOIDING THE TRAP
So how do you avoid turning natural mood swings into moral judgments? Here are some strategies:
Normalize the Rollercoaster. Say it out loud: “It’s normal to feel up and down. Even adults do.” Remind them moods are weather, not climate. They’ll learn storms pass. (If I judged my personality by my Monday mornings, I’d be clinically classified as a troll.)
Respond, Don’t React. If they’re snappy, don’t launch into a lecture about respect. Give them space. Address behavior later, when the storm cloud has passed. (Think of it like trying to fold laundry during a tornado: it’s just not the time.)
Separate Mood from Identity. Say, “You seem frustrated today,” not “You’re always grumpy.” This teaches them they’re not defined by fleeting emotions. (You wouldn’t call yourself “forever clumsy” because you tripped on a Lego once, though it did feel fatal.)
Teach Emotional Vocabulary. Help them put words to feelings: stress, boredom, anxiety, excitement. Naming emotions is like giving a map — it’s easier to navigate when you know where you are.
Model Mood Management. Show them how you deal with stress — exercise, humor, journaling, a walk. (If your coping strategy is muttering at traffic lights, they’ll copy that too.)
Create Snack-Based Interventions. Never underestimate the power of food. Half of adolescence’s “attitude” is low blood sugar in disguise. (It's highly likely that in the past 50 years granola bars has saved more parent-teen relationships than all the family therapists combined.)
Practice Low-Pressure Check-Ins. Instead of interrogating, offer gentle observations: “Rough day?” while handing over chips. It communicates care without demanding immediate disclosure.
Hold Space for Silence. Not every mood needs fixing. Sometimes the best response is simply letting them retreat, regroup, and reemerge. (Caterpillars turn into butterflies in cocoons, not through PowerPoint lectures from their parents.)
MISTAKES TO AVOID (Because We’ve All Done Them)
Treating every bad mood like a crime scene.
Using sarcasm when they’re raw (“Wow, someone’s hormonal” — guaranteed to backfire).
Demanding instant emotional clarity.
Assuming your tolerance for feelings is the same as theirs.
THE PAYOFF
When you stop treating mood swings like moral defects, interesting things happen:
Your teen feels safe expressing emotions.
You stay connected even when they’re stormy.
They learn that feelings are waves to ride, not flaws to bury.
The thing is, the less you fight their moods, the faster they stabilize. Why? Because they’re not wasting energy defending their right to feel.
In the long run, you’re raising adults who can manage stress, express themselves, and empathize with others — qualities that matter far more than whether they slammed a door at age 15. So next time your teen shifts from cheerful to sullen in under three seconds, don’t panic. Don’t moralize. Just remember: they’re not broken. They’re growing. And maybe they just need a snack.
© Kristijan Musek Lešnik, 2025
