Bringing common sense with a grain of salt back to parenting!
Mistake: Treating developmental milestones like a race.
Consequence: “She said her first word… and if she’s not reading War and Peace by 5, we’ve failed.”
Reality check: Kids bloom on wildly different timelines — and most late walkers end up walking just fine.
We might think we’re protecting our children’s future by obsessing over milestone charts and comparing them to every toddler in the playgroup. Actually, if we are too obsessed with measuring our babies against every possible developmental milestone, we risk raising kids who feel pressured, insecure, and rushed through the very years meant for discovery. Developmental milestones were designed as guidelines for child development professionals—not commandments dictating what your child must be doing at any exact moment. It makes sense to see them that way—and to let our kids grow at their own pace. And if we ever suspect a real delay, that’s what professionals are for. They know far more than the panic-fueled parenting forums.
THE ISSUE
Some parents treat milestones as scoreboards. From crawling to talking to potty training, every box gets checked against a chart, another child, or a Google search. If another kid hits the mark first, we panic: “Are we late? Are we failing?”
WHY PARENTS DO THIS
We do this because milestones seem like objective measurements — tidy little checkboxes in the chaotic sprawl of parenting. But nothing messes with our peace of mind quite like milestone charts — unless we take them with a giant grain of salt.
They look so official and reassuring — promising order in the chaos of the early parenthood. “If your baby does X by Y months, you’re safe.” But these same neat little charts — the ones that tell us when our child should roll over, crawl, talk, read, or file their taxes by preschool — can turn even the calmest parent into a pacing ball of worry. Because when experts say ‘half of children walk by X months,’ with the hypersensitive ears of a brand-new parent, those same words can easily be translated as, ‘if mine isn’t walking by X months, it’s time to panic‘.
It starts innocently. You see that your baby “should” be walking by 12 months. Yours is 13 months and still happily scooting around like an office chair with no wheels. Suddenly, you’re Googling “delayed walking signs” at 2 a.m. and comparing your child’s progress to every other kid in the playgroup.
And the comparisons don’t stop in babyhood. There’s always something — the reading level, the math scores, the ability to ride a bike without wobbling into a hedge. If another child hits a milestone earlier, some part of you wonders: Are we behind? Are we doing something wrong?
Social media doesn’t help. Someone always has a toddler reading Shakespeare or riding a bike at three, while ours is still taste-testing Play-Doh like it’s Michelin-starred cuisine.
We narrate, compare, and worry because milestones offer an illusion of certainty. They look like science. But when we cling too tightly, they become deadlines instead of guidelines.
HOW THIS HARMS CHILDREN (AND US)
When milestones become competitions, kids absorb the pressure — and the harm runs deeper than we think.
Anxiety (theirs and ours): When a child senses our stress over whether they’re “keeping up,” they internalize it. They may feel pressure to perform or shame over being “late,” even if they’re perfectly healthy and on track for their own timeline.
Skipping joy: If we're constantly peering at the next milestone, we miss the sweetness of where they are now. Focused on when they’ll walk? You’ll miss the comedy gold of their new army crawl routine.
Race mentality: Milestone obsession turns natural development into competition. Instead of letting skills emerge organically, we push and prod, turning what should be a joyful achievement into a performance review.
Comparison wounds: When our child hears, “Well, Olivia could do this by now,” they don’t just hear a fact — they hear a verdict. Over time, repeated comparisons can chip away at self-esteem.
Over-intervening: Some parents rush to “fix” a supposed delay with extra classes, programs, or drills before they’ve even confirmed there’s a real problem. Sometimes this helps, but often it’s just unnecessary pressure.
The big truth? Growth zigzags. Bursts, pauses, regressions, leaps — none of it fits neatly into a pediatrician’s chart.
AVOIDING THE TRAP
The goal isn’t to ignore milestones completely. They’re useful for spotting concerns. The trick is to treat them as guideposts, not stopwatches.Here are some ideas for breaking free of the milestone race:
Remember: averages are not deadlines. “Most kids walk between 9–15 months” means most, not all. Outliers are normal, not alarming. Development isn’t a conveyor belt — it’s a custom build.
Focus on patterns, not dates. One “late” skill isn’t a crisis. Look at the bigger picture: are they curious, adaptive, learning new things overall? Are they progressing in other areas? These are bigger signs of healthy development than any one checkbox.
Celebrate the now. Don’t let “not there yet” ruin “look what they can do now.” Enjoy the quirky army crawl or the invented spoon game. If your child isn’t reading yet but loves stories, focus on that love. The reading will come.
Resist the comparison trap. This is hard, especially in the age of social media parenting brag-fests. But your neighbor’s potty-prodigy is irrelevant and has zero bearing on your child’s worth or potential. Spoiler: Harvard doesn’t ask for ‘age of first steps’ on the application.
Ask, don’t assume. If something truly worries you, talk to a qualified professional instead of Facebook. Sometimes a delay needs support. Sometimes it just needs time. Support is good; panic is not.
Slow the “fast-forward” culture. Our social media driven culture pushes early achievement like it’s a badge of honor. But early doesn’t mean better. The 4-year-old cyclist and the 7-year-old cyclist both end up riding. The only difference is who enjoyed the ride.
Keep language gentle. Replace “You should be doing this by now” with “I can’t wait to see you try when you’re ready.” It removes pressure and reinforces the idea that readiness varies. Readiness isn’t a competition.
Model patience yourself. Show that growth takes time: “I’m learning something new too — and it’s taking me a while.” Kids learn pacing from us.
Major Mistakes to Avoid:
Treating milestone charts as personal scorecards.
Using comparisons as motivation.
Pushing too hard, too soon, for skills that develop naturally.
Ignoring professional guidance in favor of “Google diagnosis.”
THE PAYOFF
Once we shake off the unnecessary pressure that comes with clinging to developmental milestones ad deadlines, we free ourselves — and our kids — from the tyranny of the timeline. We can start notice growth as a journey, not a race. We can fully enjoy the hilarious in-betweens: the spoon-rocket inventions, the jokes that make no sense, the tiny smirk of pride when they finally master something they’ve practiced for weeks.
And one day, they might actually thank us — not for being the first to walk, talk, or read, but for never making them feel behind when they were simply growing at their own rhythm.
Because childhood isn’t about our children crossing developmental milestones faster than their peers . It’s about growing at their own rhythm, with joy intact.
© Kristijan Musek Lešnik, 2025
