The Misusing Milestones Trap

dr. Kristijan Musek Lešnik
Oct 12, 2025
3 min read

Treating developmental milestones like a race

“Childhood isn’t about who our children crossing developmental milestones before their peers. It’s about growing at their own rhythm, with joy intact.”

We might think milestones prove we’re “on track” as parents. Actually, when we treat them like deadlines, we prep our kids to grow up anxious instead of confident.

Mistake: Treating developmental milestones like a race.

Consequence: “She said her first word… and if she’s not reading War and Peace by 5, we’ve failed.”

Reality check: Kids bloom on wildly different timelines — and most late walkers end up walking just fine.

THE ISSUE

Milestone charts are supposed to be helpful. Instead, they often become parenting scoreboards.

Did your baby walk “on time”? Did your toddler talk “early enough”? Did your preschooler learn to read before the neighbor’s child?

What starts as a guideline quickly becomes a stopwatch — ticking louder with every comparison.

WHY PARENTS DO THIS

Milestones look so official. Tidy columns promising order in parenting chaos. “If your baby does X by Y months, you’re safe. If not, panic.”

It starts small. The chart says walking by 12 months. Your kid is 13 months and still scooting like an office chair with no wheels. Cue 2 a.m. Googling: “Is delayed walking a sign of…??”

And it doesn’t stop in babyhood. School years bring reading levels, math benchmarks, and “my kid already rides a bike without training wheels!” Meanwhile, yours is still face-planting into the grass.

Social media pours gasoline on this fire. Someone’s toddler is reciting Shakespeare while yours is… eating Play-Doh like it’s gourmet.

We compare because milestones look scientific. But when we cling too tightly, they stop being guideposts and turn into deadlines.

HOW THIS HARMS BABIES & TODDLERS (AND PARENTS)

When milestones become competitions, the damage runs deeper than we think:

Anxiety — theirs and ours. Kids sense our stress and feel pressure to “keep up.”
Skipping joy. If we’re always peering at the next milestone, we miss the magic of the quirky crawl, the invented spoon game, or the nonsense joke.
Race mentality. Skills become performance reviews instead of natural achievements.
Comparison wounds. “Olivia did this by now” sounds like judgment to a child. Repeated often, it chips away at self-esteem.
Over-intervening. Some parents rush into classes or drills for “delays” that just need time.

The science-based truth? Growth zigzags. Bursts, pauses, regressions, leaps — none of it fits neatly into a chart

AVOIDING THE TRAP

Milestones aren’t bad. They’re useful for spotting concerns. The problem is when they morph into deadlines. Here’s how to keep perspective:

Averages aren’t deadlines. “Most kids walk between 9–15 months” means most, not all. Development is a custom build, not a conveyor belt.
Focus on patterns, not dates. One “late” skill isn’t a crisis. Look at overall curiosity, adaptability, and progress.
Celebrate the now. Don’t let “not there yet” ruin “look what they can do now.” The army crawl deserves applause too.
Resist comparison. Your neighbor’s potty-prodigy is irrelevant. Harvard doesn’t ask about age of first steps.
Ask, don’t assume. If worried, talk to a professional — not Facebook. Support is good. Panic is not.
Slow the fast-forward culture. Early isn’t always better. A 4-year-old cyclist and a 7-year-old cyclist both end up riding. The difference? Who enjoyed the ride.
Keep language gentle. Swap “You should be doing this” for “I can’t wait to see you try when you’re ready.”
Model patience. Show your child that learning takes time — for you, too.

THE PAYOFF

Once we shake off the unnecessary pressure that comes with clinging to developmental milestones ad deadlines, we free ourselves — and our kids — from the tyranny of the timeline. We can start notice growth as a journey, not a race. We can fully enjoy the hilarious in-betweens: the spoon-rocket inventions, the jokes that make no sense, the tiny smirk of pride when they finally master something they’ve practiced for weeks.

And one day, they might actually thank us — not for being the first to walk, talk, or read, but for never making them feel behind when they were simply growing at their own rhythm.

Because childhood isn’t about our children crossing developmental milestones faster than their peers . It’s about growing at their own rhythm, with joy intact.