The "Pretending You’re Never Wrong" Trap

A flawless parent is a mythical creature, somewhere between Bigfoot and a full night’s sleep with a newborn in your room — often discussed, never confirmed.

Mistake: Acting like you’ve never made a mistake in your life.

Reality check: Admitting mistakes teaches humility and honesty — an invaluable lesson for tweens. 

Some parents treat imperfection like kryptonite. Their motto is: I cannot be wrong, because I am the Parent, capital P. But tweens? They are small, hormonal lie detectors. They notice your flaws before you’ve had your morning coffee. Pretending you’re always right doesn’t protect your authority — it undermines it. And worse, it models dishonesty. The real superpower isn’t perfection. It’s being able to say: Yep, I messed up. Now let’s fix it.

THEN VS. NOW COMPARISON

Back Then (80s/90s):

• Parents rarely admitted fault. “Because I said so” was final.

• Mistakes were brushed under the shag carpet.

• Kids either obeyed silently or muttered in diaries.

Now (2020s):

• Tweens fact-check parents with Google and ChatGPT in real time.

• Authority is less about status, more about fairness.

• Parenting is public: kids can post your blunders on TikTok with trending audio.

• Denying obvious mistakes doesn’t just annoy them — it makes you look like a meme.

THE ISSUE

(Picture this: you’re at dinner, confidently explaining how Mount Everest is the tallest mountain in the world by distance from the base to the summit. Your tween whips out their phone mid-bite, fact-checks you, and announces: “Actually, Mauna Kea is taller from base to summit. Everest just has higher elevation.” Boom. Authority detonated. You could say, “Wow, I didn’t know that — thanks for teaching me.” But instead, you hear yourself muttering: “Well, technically, I meant…” Congratulations, you’ve just lost two points in both geography and credibility.)

Let’s be honest: few things sting like being wrong in front of your own child. You’re supposed to be the wise elder, the keeper of secrets, the one who knows which drawer has the batteries and how to fold a fitted sheet perfectly (spoiler: nobody knows). Yet one wrong fact, one missed deadline, one misremembered capital city — and suddenly your tween is smirking at you like they’ve just caught the President lying on live TV.

So... instead of admitting it, many parents double down.

The instinct is understandable. You want to look reliable, in control, respectable. But tweens are not fooled. They see you squirm. They see you spin. And they file it away in the growing mental folder labeled Reasons My Parents Are Ridiculous.

WHY PARENTS DO THIS

Parents don’t cling to perfection because they’re evil masterminds. They do it because the alternative feels scary.

• Fear of Losing Authority. “If I admit I was wrong, won’t they stop listening?” We worry that one admission of fault will unravel the fragile sweater of parental authority, leaving us standing there in metaphorical underwear.

• Cultural Conditioning. Many of us grew up in households where “Because I said so” ended every debate. Our parents never admitted mistakes — even when the evidence was a smoking toaster oven.

• Ego Preservation. Let’s face it: being wrong feels terrible. Admitting it feels worse. Especially if it’s in front of someone half your size who still can’t remember to put socks in the laundry basket.

• Misunderstanding Leadership. We confuse authority with infallibility. We think leaders must never falter, when in fact the best leaders admit mistakes quickly so they can correct them.

• Habitual Spin Doctoring. Some of us have perfected the art of “creative reframing.” We don’t say we were wrong — we say “Ah, but that’s another way of looking at it.” 

HOW THIS HARMS CHILDREN (AND US)

When parents never admit fault, kids don’t just roll their eyes. They absorb wrong lessons about honesty, humility, and what it means to be human.

• It Undermines Trust. Kids notice. If they see you deny mistakes they know happened, they’ll start doubting everything you say. (If Dad won’t admit he burned the cookies, how can I trust his advice about friendships?)

• It Teaches Dishonesty. By modeling denial, you’re showing that when you mess up, the smart move is to deflect or deny.

• It Fuels Resentment. Nobody enjoys being around someone who’s “always right.” Tweens especially. Resentment simmers until it erupts — usually around age 14, in a shouting match about curfew.

• It Sets Unrealistic Standards. If parents never admit flaws, kids believe perfection is expected of me too. This is a recipe for anxiety, shame, and a secret stash of erasers.

• It Weakens Problem-Solving. Admitting mistakes is step one in fixing them. If you model avoidance, kids skip the learning process.

• No Vulnerability = No Connection. By never showing your soft spots, you lose chances to connect deeply. Vulnerability is glue in relationships. Without it, even well-meaning authority can feel cold and distant.