The "Pretending You’re Never Wrong" Trap

dr. Kristijan Musek Lešnik
Oct 17, 2025
3 min read

Nothing erodes trust faster than acting like you’re flawless. If you never admit mistakes, don’t expect your tween to admit theirs.

“Admitting mistakes teaches humility and honesty. Even if you are a parent. Especially if you are a parent.”

Some parents treat imperfection like kryptonite. Their motto is: I cannot be wrong, because I am the Parent, capital P. But tweens? They are small, hormonal lie detectors. They notice your flaws before you’ve had your morning coffee. Pretending you’re always right doesn’t protect your authority — it undermines it. And worse, it models dishonesty. The real superpower isn’t perfection. It’s being able to say: Yep, I messed up. Now let’s fix it.

Mistake: Acting like you’ve never made a mistake in your life.

THE ISSUE

Parents sometimes think authority = never being wrong. If we admit mistakes, won’t our kids stop respecting us? So we double down:

Misremember a deadline? Blame the teacher.
Leave the light on? It’s suddenly their job to remind you.
Get lost on the way to soccer? “This is the scenic route.”

The problem? Tweens notice. They’re professional hypocrisy detectors. Pretending you’re never wrong doesn’t protect authority. It undermines it.

WHY PARENTS DO THIS

Parents sometimes cling to perfection because the alternative feels scary:

Fear of losing authority: “If I admit I was wrong, they’ll never listen again.”
Cultural conditioning: Many of us grew up with “Because I said so” as law.
Ego preservation: Admitting mistakes is humbling. Especially to someone who can’t load a dishwasher correctly.
Confusing authority with infallibility: Leadership = credibility, not flawlessness.
Habit: Once you start spinning excuses, it becomes second nature.

HOW THIS HARMS TWEENS (AND PARENTS)

When parents never admit fault, it backfires in many ways. It:

Erodes trust: If you deny obvious mistakes, why should they trust you on bigger stuff?
Teaches dishonesty: They learn denial is the strategy.
Breeds resentment: Nobody likes someone who’s “always right.”
Sets impossible standards: They think they’re supposed to be perfect too. Hello, anxiety.
Weakens problem-solving: Admitting mistakes is step one in fixing them.

Subtle harm: Without vulnerability, you miss chances to model humility — the very thing you want them to have.

AVOIDING THE TRAP

Authority doesn’t come from being flawless. It comes from fairness, consistency, and humility. Here’s how to reset.

Start Small. Practice on harmless stuff: “I told you the wrong time,” or “I thought we had eggs.” Normalizes imperfection without drama.
Ditch the “But” Apology. “I’m sorry I yelled, but you were being difficult” isn’t an apology. It’s blame. Try: “I’m sorry I yelled. That wasn’t fair.”
Model Self-Correction. Show growth: “I thought staying up late was fine, but you’re exhausted. Let’s fix bedtime tomorrow.”
Share Past Failures. Tell them about your own flops — the failed test, the driver’s license retake, the unfortunate 90s haircut. Mistakes don’t ruin you; they shape you.
Praise Their Honesty. When they admit a mistake, don’t pounce. Say, “Thanks for being honest.” That makes it safer for everyone to own up.
Reframe Authority. True authority is about trust, not perfection. A parent who admits wrongs earns more respect than one who never does.
Watch the Spin. Notice when you’re reframing instead of admitting. If you hear yourself say, “That’s not what I meant,” pause. Try: “Actually, I was wrong.”
Use humor. Humor turns shame into strength. Saying “Wow, I totally blew that one!” with a grin shows humility is a skill, not a weakness.

MISTAKES TO AVOID

Pretending mistakes never happened, even with evidence.
Over-explaining instead of admitting.
Turning apologies into lectures.
Acting like you’re the only reliable source of truth.

THE PAYOFF

When you admit mistakes:

Trust grows. Kids believe you more because they see you own it.
Honesty spreads. They learn it’s safe to admit when they’re wrong.
Resentment drops. Vulnerability makes you human, not weak.
Standards change. They stop aiming for perfection and start aiming for growth.

The magic? You don’t lose authority when you say, “I was wrong.” You gain it.

Someday, when they’re in school, at work, or in love — they’ll mess up. If their model of adulthood is denial, they’ll hide. But if their model is honesty and humility, they’ll own it, fix it, and move on.

In the long run, powerful words in parenting aren’t “Because I said so.” They’re: “You’re right — I was wrong.”