The “Still a Baby” Trap

dr. Kristijan Musek Lešnik
Oct 19, 2025
3 min read

Sometimes we just do too many things for our tweens. It feels like love. It feels like care. But every time we do something for them that they can do for themselves, we’re not just protecting them from minor inconvenience — we’re delaying their crash course in independence.

“Independence is a muscle. If they don’t flex it now, they won’t be ready when it matters.”

They can run a group chat, edit videos, and Google their way through a math worksheet — but apparently, making a sandwich is “too hard.” The “Still a Baby” Trap unpacks how modern parents accidentally turn capable tweens into part-time toddlers, and how to hand the reins back without starting a household revolution.

Mistake: Treating tweens like fragile toddlers instead of emerging young adults.

THE ISSUE

Tweens are strange little paradoxes. One minute they’re demanding privacy like miniature lawyers drafting emancipation papers, the next they’re asking you to butter their toast because “you do it better.”

And honestly? It’s tempting to indulge that second part. They were babies about five minutes ago, right? Keeping them “little” feels comforting. So you keep tying shoes, packing lunches, and double-checking homework folders — all in the name of love.

But here’s the rub: every time you do something they can do themselves, you’re slowing down their independence. It’s like giving them training wheels long after they’ve figured out balance.

WHY PARENTS DO THIS

We fall into the “Still a Baby” trap because of:

Nostalgia. We miss the days when they needed us for everything.
Control. If you pack their bag, you know the homework makes it to school.
Efficiency. Watching a tween make a sandwich is like watching a sloth on NyQuil. Doing it yourself takes 30 seconds.
Fear of failure. If you don’t step in, they might forget, struggle, or (gasp) face consequences.
Mixed signals. Tweens roll their eyes at bedtime like they’re 35, but happily accept you tying their sneakers like they’re 5.

HOW THIS HARMS TWEENS (AND PARENTS)

It feels like care, but it often backfires:

Learned helplessness. They stop believing they can do things without you.
Delayed responsibility. If they don’t practice small tasks now, bigger ones later will overwhelm them.
Shaky confidence. “Mom always fixes it” slowly becomes “Maybe I can’t fix it.”
Resentment later. Tweens tolerate it; teens will call it suffocation.
Missed resilience lessons. Forgetting lunch once teaches more responsibility than 200 perfectly packed sandwiches.

And let’s not forget: you get stuck doing everything. Forever.

AVOIDING THE TRAP

The goal isn’t to dump them in the wilderness with a granola bar and say, “Good luck.” It’s to let independence grow in small, messy, manageable ways.

Delegate the Basics. If they can scroll TikTok, they can fold laundry. Give them ownership of daily tasks: backpacks, breakfast, chores. Yes, the dishwasher will look like it was loaded by Picasso. Leave it.
Hand Off Lunch Duty. Start small: let them choose items. Then make the sandwich. Then pack the whole thing. By week four, you’re only responsible for stocking the fridge.
(Tip: If they pack only chips and cookies, let them. A hungry stomach is a good teacher of balance.)
Let Consequences Do the Teaching. No coat? They’ll be cold. No sneakers? They’ll sit out in gym. Painful? Yes. Effective? Absolutely.
Stop Rushing to Efficiency. You could tie their shoes faster. You could spread the peanut butter smoother. But speed isn’t the point. Independence takes time — embrace the slowness.
Praise Effort, Not Perfection. Compliment the attempt. Resist the urge to “fix” every crooked fold or uneven sandwich spread. Skills improve with practice, not with criticism.
Change the Script. Instead of, “Here, let me,” try, “Show me how you’d do it.” Tweens love proving adults wrong — let them channel it into proving they’re capable.
Model Letting Go. Tell them honestly: “It’s hard for me not to help, but I want you to learn.” That simple admission shows trust and respect.

THE PAYOFF

When you stop treating tweens like toddlers:

They start owning their tasks (and their mistakes).
Confidence grows because they know they can handle life’s basics.
You stop micromanaging every shoelace and sandwich, freeing up time and sanity.

And someday, you’ll watch them zip their own coat, grab their own lunch, and head out the door without needing you to hover. That’s the moment you realize you didn’t “lose your baby.” You raised a kid who can stand on their own.

Independence isn’t a graduation gift at 18. It’s built in small, clumsy steps — one forgotten gym shoe, one lopsided sandwich, one “I did it myself” at a time.