The "Being the Cool Parent (Who is Actually Cringe)" Trap

dr. Kristijan Musek Lešnik
Oct 12, 2025
4 min read

There is a difference between being approachable and being the “cringe parent”. Teens already live in a state of permanent second-hand embarrassment. When parents try to be their peers, it might throw them into cringe overload.

“Teens don’t need you to master TikTok slang — they need you to respect their space while staying authentically you.”

Parents want to stay connected to their teens — but sometimes, in the attempt to be “cool,” they land squarely in cringe territory. Teens don’t need us to master TikTok dances or invade their group chats. What they need is a steady adult who respects their boundaries while staying interested. Let's look at how to step back from the skinny jeans, put down the slang dictionary, and embrace actual cool parenting strategy: being yourself.

Mistake: Oversharing on social media, using your teen’s slang wrong, and showing up uninvited to parties.

THE ISSUE

At some point, many parents face it: the creeping fear of irrelevance. Your once-chatty kid now lives behind a closed bedroom door, laughing at videos that don’t include you. So you panic: If I can be the “cool” parent, they’ll let me in.

The problem? Teens can smell “try-hard” from 50 feet away. What you see as sincere attempts at connection, they see as pure cringe.

It might look like this:

You comment “slayyy” under their TikTok.
You show up at their friend’s hangout “just to say hi.”
You wear skinny jeans to the school dance and say, “It’s giving… father figure.”

Your intentions are loving. The execution? A horror movie — for them.

WHY PARENTS DO THIS

Almost no parent sets out to become embarrassing on purpose. It usually comes from fear, love, or nostalgia.

Fear of losing connection. You don’t want to be shut out of their world.
Desire to be relatable. You swore you’d never be as “ancient” as your own parents seemed.
Nostalgia. Being around teens makes you feel young again.
Projection. If your parents were strict or distant, you may overcorrect by trying to be their buddy.
Social proof. You see “fun parents” going viral on Instagram and think, That’s the goal.

But here’s the truth: your teen doesn’t want you to be their peer. They want you to be their parent — steady, respectful, and embarrassingly uncool in all the right ways.

HOW THIS HARMS TEENS (AND PARENTS)

A dad joke here or a goofy attempt at slang there won’t ruin your child. But a steady pattern of trying too hard to be “cool” can actually hurt.

It erodes respect. Teens need the security of knowing you’re the adult in the room. (Not a joke of the day for their friends.)
It mortifies them. Teens are self-conscious by default. Your slang fails and oversharing online just amplify it.
It damages trust. Oversharing their lives or showing up uninvited feels like a privacy breach.
It models insecurity. You’re teaching them that fitting in means constant performance.
It backfires socially. Their friends may find you “funny,” but your teen will find you unbearable.

End result: they pull away, not because they don’t love you, but because your attempts to join their squad make them feel invaded.

AVOIDING THE TRAP

You don’t need to master slang or TikTok to connect. You just need to respect boundaries and show up as yourself.

Be Curious, Not Clingy. Ask about their shows, music, or hobbies — but let them lead. A genuine “What do you love about that song?” goes farther than quizzing them on slang.
Respect the “Friends Only” Spaces. If they say a hangout isn’t for parents, believe them. No surprise drop-ins with pizza. (They won’t eat it. They’ll eat their resentment.)
Share Your Own World Too. You don’t have to cosplay as a teen. Invite them into your interests — whether it’s cooking, hiking, or your obsession with 80s ballads. Authentic beats performance.
Keep Social Media Respectful. Ask before posting photos or stories. Teens don’t want their acne immortalized on Facebook for your high school classmates.
Embrace Your Own Lane. Your value isn’t in blending in. It’s in being the adult they can count on — the one who doesn’t need to crash the group chat to feel relevant.
Learn, But Don’t Perform. It’s fine to understand their slang or trends. Just don’t perform them like you’re auditioning for Hip Parent Idol.
Model Self-Confidence. Show them what it looks like to be comfortable in your own skin. That’s the kind of “cool” that lasts.

MISTAKES TO AVOID

Dropping into their online spaces and leaving “funny” comments.
Dressing like their friends to blend in (they notice).
Turning their hobbies into your personal brand.
Oversharing their private lives for laughs.
Saying “When I was your age…” before every story.

THE PAYOFF

When you stop performing “cool” and simply show up as you:

Your teen can breathe.
Their friends can respect you without awkwardness.
They can trust you not to weaponize their private life for content.

Your teen doesn’t need another best friend. They need a parent who cheers them on, respects their privacy, and occasionally drives them to a concert without embarrassing them at the merch table.

The irony? When you stop trying to be “cool,” you have much greater chance to be the parent they themselves choose to spend time with. Not because you wore skinny jeans, but because you stayed unapologetically yourself.