Parenting Life-Hacks: Avoiding The "Back in My Day Time Machine" Trap

dr. Kristijan Musek Lešnik
Oct 20, 2025
2 min read

Every generation swears their youth was tougher, purer, and character-building — usually right before a teen rolls their eyes into another dimension. But when you activate “Back in My Day” Time Machine, nostalgia sounds less like connection and more like competition. Because while you’re reminiscing about dial-up internet, your teen’s just trying to survive high-speed adolescence — and they need empathy more than history lessons.

When “back in my day” becomes a reflex, your teen doesn’t hear wisdom. They hear a lecture. They hear comparison. And above all, they hear: “Your world isn’t real. Mine was better.”

“Nostalgia is a fun story, not a parenting strategy — respect their world if you want them to respect yours.”

AVOIDING THE TRAP

Luckily, there are a number of better things to do when tempted to set out on a "in my times everything was different" journey:

Tell Stories, Not Sermons. Nostalgia is great when it’s entertainment, not ammunition. Share your past like a Netflix comedy special, not a lecture. (Fun: “We had to rewind VHS tapes with a pencil!” / Not fun: “So you should be grateful for streaming.”)
Connect Feelings, Not Conditions. Draw parallels between your struggles and theirs without minimizing either. (“When our phone line went down, I felt cut off. Kind of like when your Wi-Fi dies.”) This way you’re not comparing hardships — you’re connecting emotions.
Be Curious About Their World. Flip the time machine around. Ask them to explain their memes, music, or games. Even if you don’t get it, your curiosity says: Your world matters.
Use Nostalgia Sparingly. Like dessert, “Back in my day” stories are delightful in small doses, nauseating if overused.
Focus on Values, Not Conditions. If your point is resilience, don’t make them reenact the Oregon Trail. Instead, highlight the principle: persistence, kindness, creativity.
Share the Embarrassing Stuff Too. Your teen loves knowing you were awkward once. Share the fashion disasters, the crush rejections, the time you froze during a class presentation. That builds connection better than heroic survival tales.
Don’t Weaponize Gratitude. Gratitude grows when modeled, not demanded. Show them how you practice gratitude now, instead of constantly telling them to appreciate what they have.

MISTAKES TO AVOID

Using your past to “win” arguments.
Pretending your teen years were one long Rocky training montage.
Mocking their comforts (“AirPods are weakness”).
Acting shocked that they can’t miss Blockbuster if they’ve never known Blockbuster.