The "Back in My Day Time Machine" Trap

When “back in my day” becomes a reflex, your teen doesn’t hear wisdom. They hear a lecture. They hear comparison. And above all, they hear: “Your world isn’t real. Mine was better.”

“Nostalgia is a fun story, not a parenting strategy — respect their world if you want them to respect yours.”

Every generation swears their youth was tougher, purer, and character-building — usually right before a teen rolls their eyes into another dimension. The “Back in My Day” Time Machine unpacks why our nostalgia sounds less like connection and more like competition. Because while you’re reminiscing about dial-up internet, your teen’s just trying to survive high-speed adolescence — and they need empathy more than history lessons.

Mistake: Using “Back in my day” stories as a way to win arguments instead of build connection.

THE ISSUE

Parents love a good “Back in my day” speech. You know the ones:

• “We didn’t have Wi-Fi, we had to suffer through eye contact.”

• “We had one TV, and no remote — you were the remote.”

• “If you wanted to hang out, you got on your bike and prayed your friends were home.”

It feels like you’re sharing your origin story, showing them how tough, disciplined, and resourceful you were. But to your teen? It sounds like you’re dismissing their reality. They already feel misunderstood half the time — and nothing says “misunderstood” like comparing cyberbullying to walking uphill in the snow.

WHY PARENTS DO THIS

It’s not malice — it’s nostalgia (and maybe frustration).

• Gratitude check: You want them to appreciate how easy they have it.

• Identity sharing: You want them to know the younger you, the one before mortgage payments and gray hairs.

• Resilience training: You think your childhood was boot camp for toughness; theirs feels like a cruise.

• Automatic programming: You grew up hearing it. Now you’re the one saying it.

The problem is, teens don’t hear your intent. They hear: “Your life doesn’t matter as much as mine did.”

HOW THIS HARMS TEENS (AND PARENTS)

Constantly reminding teens how everything was different in our day, while they have it easy, backfires in many ways. It:

• Dismisses their reality. Cyberdrama may not be snowdrifts, but it’s real. When you minimize it, they stop sharing.

• Shuts down conversation. If every vent gets a “When I was your age…,” they’ll stop coming to you.

• Turns stories into shaming. What you mean as funny lands as, “You’re spoiled.”

• Sets impossible benchmarks. If your bar for “hardship” is candlelit algebra during power outages, they’ll feel their struggles don’t count.

• Makes you seem stuck. Teens want parents who can meet them in the present, not live permanently in 1989.

The result? They tune out your stories — not because they’re boring, but because they feel like competition instead of connection.

AVOIDING THE TRAP

Luckily, there are a number of better things to do when tempted to set out on a "in my times everything was different" journey:

• Tell Stories, Not Sermons. Nostalgia is great when it’s entertainment, not ammunition. Share your past like a Netflix comedy special, not a lecture. (Fun: “We had to rewind VHS tapes with a pencil!” / Not fun: “So you should be grateful for streaming.”)

• Connect Feelings, Not Conditions. Draw parallels between your struggles and theirs without minimizing either. (“When our phone line went down, I felt cut off. Kind of like when your Wi-Fi dies.”) This way you’re not comparing hardships — you’re connecting emotions.

• Be Curious About Their World. Flip the time machine around. Ask them to explain their memes, music, or games. Even if you don’t get it, your curiosity says: Your world matters.

• Use Nostalgia Sparingly. Like dessert, “Back in my day” stories are delightful in small doses, nauseating if overused.

• Focus on Values, Not Conditions. If your point is resilience, don’t make them reenact the Oregon Trail. Instead, highlight the principle: persistence, kindness, creativity.

• Share the Embarrassing Stuff Too. Your teen loves knowing you were awkward once. Share the fashion disasters, the crush rejections, the time you froze during a class presentation. That builds connection better than heroic survival tales.

• Don’t Weaponize Gratitude. Gratitude grows when modeled, not demanded. Show them how you practice gratitude now, instead of constantly telling them to appreciate what they have.

MISTAKES TO AVOID

• Using your past to “win” arguments.

• Pretending your teen years were one long Rocky training montage.

• Mocking their comforts (“AirPods are weakness”).

• Acting shocked that they can’t miss Blockbuster if they’ve never known Blockbuster.

THE PAYOFF

When you retire the guilt-trip time machine (or at least control it):

• Conversations stay open instead of shutting down.

• Your stories become funny, not finger-wagging.

• Teens can see you as someone who respects their reality.

• Empathy goes both ways.

The bonus? Once they feel their present is respected, many teens actually want to hear about your past.

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"Back in my day" isn't connection. It's competition. And teens always loose.

When every vent gets met with “When I was your age…,” they’ll stop coming to you.

Tell stories, not sermons. “We had VHS tapes” is fun. “So stop complaining” isn’t.

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© dr. Kristijan Musek Lešnik & Aparenttly. All text and visuals are original works.

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