The "Reward Overload" Trap

dr. Kristijan Musek Lešnik
Oct 18, 2025
3 min read

Updated: Oct 21, 2025

We may think rewards motivate kids. In reality, too many stars, stickers, and bribes can turn everyday life into a constant negotiation — and rob kids of joy in doing things just because.

“If every task comes with a prize, brushing teeth becomes a business deal.”

Four-year-olds will do almost anything for a sticker. Five-year-olds quickly realize stickers are just paper — and begin demanding toys. By six, they’re holding out for iPads. The art of the parenting is to control the “good job!” household economy before it spirals out of control and before bedtime negotiations start to feel like United Nations trade deals.

Parenting mistake: Using rewards for every behavior, until daily life feels like a giant sticker chart.

THE ISSUE

Rewards work — at first. But when every small task earns a prize, kids stop seeing brushing teeth or cleaning up toys as normal responsibilities. They see them as gigs that require payment. Let's imagine We imagine a family scene, not so very very far away from us. It's time to go to bed.

Parent: “Time to brush teeth.”

Child: “What do I get if I do?”

Parent: “A sticker.”

Child: “And?”

Parent: “Two M&Ms.”

Child: “Counteroffer: three M&Ms and five minutes of iPad.”

Rewards work. But overdoing it backfires. And leads to five-year-olds who know how to negotiate like a seasoned Wall Street traders.

WHY PARENTS DO THIS

We do it because of:

It works (short-term). Stickers end tantrums, candy gets shoes on.
We’re exhausted. Bribery is faster than standoffs over broccoli.
It’s cultural. Coffee punch cards, employee-of-the-month plaques — our whole world runs on rewards.
We fear meltdowns. Rewards feel like we’re protecting happiness, not just avoiding tears.
Social media fuels it. Pinterest-perfect sticker charts make us think we need chore economies too.

HOW THIS HARMS CHILDREN (AND PARENTS)

What happens when we go overboard with rewards?

Intrinsic motivation tanks. Kids stop doing things for joy — only for loot.
Negotiation becomes default. “What’s in it for me?” becomes their mantra.
Entitlement grows. Ordinary routines and household chores feel like jobs requiring pay.
Parents burn out. You can’t out-bribe a five-year-old forever.
Life lessons get lost. Responsibility and persistence don’t stick when everything is tied to candy.

AVOIDING THE TRAP

What can we do to keep rewards in check?

Save Rewards for the Big Stuff. Use them for milestones and big things, not everyday basics. (If your kid gets a medal for putting on pants, what’s left for graduating high school?)
Shift to Routines. Shoes go on before leaving, teeth get brushed before bed. End of story. Predictability beats bribery.
Use Praise Wisely. Not every action needs applause. Focus on effort and kindness (“You kept trying,” “You helped a friend”) instead of “Good job breathing.”
Make Fun the Reward. Turn chores into games — silly songs, races, dinosaur roar contests while brushing teeth. Fun and laughter lasts longer than stickers.
Teach Natural Consequences. Skip candy. Let reality teach: no shoes = cold feet. No toy clean-up = lost Lego piece underfoot. Lesson learned.
Surprise, Don’t Contract. Occasional surprise rewards feel magical. Constant “If you do this, you’ll get that” feels like a contract.
Model Intrinsic Motivation. Let them see you doing things without a prize: “I cook dinner because I like caring for our family.” (Hopefully, you are not cooking because you’re waiting for stickers.)

THE PAYOFF

After returning to a reasonable amount of rewards and praise:

Kids rediscover pride in doing things themselves.
Parents stop running life like a sticker economy.
Routines feel smoother, not transactional.
Families reconnect through play, not negotiation.

Years from now, your child won’t remember every star or sticker they earned for brushing teeth. They’ll remember pancake mornings, bedtime giggles, and the quiet pride of learning something new just because it felt good. Because kids don’t need trophies for socks. They need love, laughter, and the freedom to grow without a constant price tag.