Parenting Life-Hacks: Avoiding The "Ask Your Mother/Father Endless Loop" Trap

dr. Kristijan Musek Lešnik
Oct 14, 2025
2 min read

How to raise expert negotiators without ever meaning to? It's simple. Just turn decision-making into hot-potato parenting. Because when “Ask your mother/father” becomes a lifestyle, kids don’t learn clarity. They learn chaos.

“Sometimes you just have to decide, even if it’s imperfect.”

AVOIDING THE TRAP

The fix isn’t perfection. It’s clarity. Here are some strategies to break the loop:

Own the Small Decisions. If it’s a snack, screen time, or bedtime question, just answer. You’ll get some wrong. That’s fine. Kids value certainty over flawless rulings.
Agree on Baselines. Set family “default rules” — bedtime, treats, screens — so either parent can answer without a huddle. Think of it as your household constitution.
Use “I” Statements. Instead of “Ask your mom,” say “I think the answer is no, because…” It shows ownership and reduces loopholes.
Take It Offline. Need to check with your partner? Step aside for a whisper or quick text. Don’t let kids watch the parental tennis match.
Back Each Other Up Publicly. If one parent makes a call, support it in front of the kids. Disagree later, privately. Otherwise, kids will exploit the cracks like tiny political lobbyists.
Model Decisive Thinking. Show them decisions can be made with incomplete info: “I’m saying yes based on what I know. If I learn more, I’ll adjust next time.” That’s how real life works.
Save Deferrals for Big Stuff.
Trips, phones, sleepovers — fine to say, “We’ll decide together.” But save “ask the other parent” for those moments. That way it means something.