Parenting Life-Hacks: Avoiding The “Still a Baby” Trap

Sometimes we just do too many things for (or better, instead of) our tweens. It feels like love. It feels like care. But every time we do something for them that they can do for themselves, we’re not just protecting them from minor inconvenience — we’re delaying their crash course in independence.

“Independence is a muscle. If they don’t flex it now, they won’t be ready when it matters.”

AVOIDING THE TRAP

The goal isn’t to dump them in the wilderness with a granola bar and say, “Good luck.” It’s to let independence grow in small, messy, manageable ways.

• Delegate the Basics. If they can scroll TikTok, they can fold laundry. Give them ownership of daily tasks: backpacks, breakfast, chores. Yes, the dishwasher will look like it was loaded by Picasso. Leave it.

• Hand Off Lunch Duty. Start small: let them choose items. Then make the sandwich. Then pack the whole thing. By week four, you’re only responsible for stocking the fridge.

• (Tip: If they pack only chips and cookies, let them. A hungry stomach is a good teacher of balance.)

• Let Consequences Do the Teaching. No coat? They’ll be cold. No sneakers? They’ll sit out in gym. Painful? Yes. Effective? Absolutely.

• Stop Rushing to Efficiency. You could tie their shoes faster. You could spread the peanut butter smoother. But speed isn’t the point. Independence takes time — embrace the slowness.

• Praise Effort, Not Perfection. Compliment the attempt. Resist the urge to “fix” every crooked fold or uneven sandwich spread. Skills improve with practice, not with criticism.

• Change the Script. Instead of, “Here, let me,” try, “Show me how you’d do it.” Tweens love proving adults wrong — let them channel it into proving they’re capable.

• Model Letting Go. Tell them honestly: “It’s hard for me not to help, but I want you to learn.” That simple admission shows trust and respect.

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You don’t raise independence by fixing every shoelace — you raise it by letting them stumble, try ag

Parenting trap: treating tweens like fragile toddlers instead of training wheels for independence.

Cute now, costly later. Every shoelace you tie is one less chance for them to practice independence.

ndependence is a muscle. If they don’t flex it now, they won’t be ready when it matters.

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© dr. Kristijan Musek Lešnik & Aparenttly. All text and visuals are original works.

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