The “Because I Said So” Masterclass

dr. Kristijan Musek Lešnik
Oct 12, 2025
3 min read

Sometimes you need authority. Sometimes you need to explain. The trick is knowing which is which.

“Too much ‘because I said so’ raises kids who either blindly obey — or stop listening altogether.”

Every parent eventually unleashes the classic line: “Because I said so.” It’s quick, efficient, and shuts down debate. The problem? When it becomes your default, kids stop learning why rules exist — and eventually, they stop listening altogether.

Mistake: Relying solely on authority without explanation.

Consequence: Parenting logic: “Don’t question me” followed by “Why won’t my teen talk to me?”

Reality Check: Explaining rules creates kids who can actually make good choices when you’re not around.

THE ISSUE

Every parent eventually reaches that moment. You’ve explained the same rule fourteen times today. Your preschooler stares at you with those wide, unrelenting eyes and asks, “But whyyyyy?”

And out it comes:“Because I said so.”

It’s parenting’s mic drop — short, final, efficient. Shoes go on. Broccoli is eaten. The argument ends.

But here’s the catch: while “because I said so” can save our sanity in the moment, overusing it comes with long-term costs. Kids may obey now — but they learn less about why rules matter, and eventually, they may stop listening altogether..

WHY PARENTS DO THIS

We don’t say it because we’re tyrants. We say it because of:

Efficiency. Explaining ice cream isn’t breakfast takes more energy than pouring cereal.
Authority. Sometimes kids push just to see if the wall moves. This phrase is the concrete wall.
Tradition. Our parents said it. Their parents said it. It’s practically engraved on the parenting crest.
Sanity. After the 18th “why,” our brain hits Ctrl+Alt+Delete.
Fear of losing control. Explanations can feel like negotiations. Sometimes it feels easier to shut the door.

And honestly? It’s satisfying — for about five seconds. Until our kid learns the counter-move: the eye-roll.

HOW THIS HARMS CHILDREN (AND PARENTS)

Occasional use is fine. But as the default, it backfires.

It shuts down curiosity. Kids ask “why” to learn. Brush them off too often, and they stop asking.
It builds compliance, not critical thinking. Without context, rules feel arbitrary. (Why not run in parking lots when Mom isn’t there?)
It fuels rebellion later. Preschoolers may accept it. Tweens and teens hear it as a challenge.
It undermines trust. If rules always seem random, kids assume they’re about power, not care.
It models bad communication. If our version of boundaries is “shut it down,” guess how they’ll handle conflict later?

Short-term win. Long-term loss.

AVOIDING THE TRAP

You don’t need to explain everything like a TED Talk. But balancing authority with explanation teaches kids how to think, not just how to obey:

Use explanations as teaching moments. Instead of “because I said so,” connect dots:
- “We don’t run in parking lots because cars can’t see you.”
- “Homework before games so you can play without stress.”

You’re not negotiating — you’re teaching.

Match explanations to age. Four-year-olds need “too much candy makes your tummy hurt.”Older kids can handle “sugar gives energy, then a crash.”
Keep it short. Think tweet, not thesis. ("Bedtime is 8:00 so you have energy tomorrow.”).
Offer choices within limits. Boundaries stand, but with agency inside:
- “Shoes on — red or blue?”
- “Bedtime at 8:00. Read or music before lights out?”
Save ‘Because I Said So’ for emergencies. Crossing streets. Grabbing sharp knives. Lightning storms. These are “no-questions-now” moments. It carries weight when it’s rare.
Circle back later. If you used it in a rush, follow up. (“I needed you inside quickly because I saw lightning.”) This rebuilds trust.
Model respectful boundaries. Even firm rules can include empathy: “I get that you don’t like brushing teeth. I don’t either. But it keeps us healthy.”
Admit you don’t always know. Sometimes the best answer is: “Good question. Let’s find out together.”

THE PAYOFF

When we move beyond “because I said so” as our go-to, we raise kids who:

Trust our authority, because they know it’s rooted in care.
Learn critical thinking, not just compliance.
Are more likely to come to us later with questions, because they believe we’ll listen.

And when we do use “because I said so”? It lands. They know it means urgency — not broccoli fatigue.

Because the goal isn’t raising rule-followers. It’s raising decision-makers. And that starts with showing them why rules matter, not just insisting that they do.