The "Ignoring the Small Wins" Trap

dr. Kristijan Musek Lešnik
Oct 13, 2025
3 min read

Big trophies look good on Instagram. But it’s the small, everyday wins that build resilience, confidence, and character.

“Small wins fuel motivation for bigger ones.”

It’s tempting to save your best “I’m proud of you!” speeches for the huge moments: the spelling bee win, the A+ science fair project, the perfect goal. But the truth is, the small daily wins — like finishing homework without a battle, making the bed, or apologizing after a fight — are where your child’s grit, confidence, and habits are forged. Ignore those, and you miss the best chance to raise a resilient human.

Mistake: Only celebrating big achievements.

THE ISSUE

Parents often act like encouragement is a rare currency that must be saved for milestones: the championship win, the A+, the lead role in the play.

The problem? Childhood isn’t lived in milestones. It’s lived in the in-between:

Getting homework done without a meltdown.
Remembering to put the towel on the rack.
Apologizing after snapping at a friend.

When we ignore these “small” wins, kids learn that effort only matters when it comes with confetti — and that’s a fast track to burnout.

WHY PARENTS DO THIS

We overlook small victories because:

The “no participation trophy” myth. We fear too much praise will make kids entitled.
Coach mode. We save the cheers for “the big game.” But to kids, practice is the game.
Fear of dilution. We think praising small stuff makes big praise meaningless. (It doesn’t.)
We take them for granted. We expect children to be successful at the things they do. (After all, this is what everyone expects from us, from work to home.)
Adult lens. We forget how huge “loading the dishwasher” actually feels at 12.
Exhaustion. Sometimes we just don’t notice — we’re too busy folding laundry that’s been sitting in the basket for a week.

HOW THIS HARMS TWEENS (AND PARENTS)

Ignoring the Small Wins backfire in many ways:

Motivation shrinks. Why bother if effort only counts when it’s spectacular?
Self-worth feels conditional. They believe they’re valuable only when performing.
Progress feels invisible. Big wins are rare — silence in between feels like failure.
Fragile resilience. Without small-win recognition, setbacks feel catastrophic.
Distance grows. If parents only show up for the trophy, kids stop sharing the Tuesdays.

Last but not least: They start believing only public, shiny achievements matter. Quiet effort feels worthless.

AVOIDING THE TRAP

Celebrating small wins doesn’t mean balloons for brushing teeth. It means noticing the effort that builds character.

Notice Effort, Not Just Outcomes. “I saw you practicing free throws every afternoon. That effort showed up today.”
Be Specific. “Good job” = empty calories.“I love how you stayed calm when the Lego tower fell and rebuilt it — that’s resilience.”
Keep It Casual. A quick, genuine nod says, “I see you.”“Hey, thanks for starting homework without me asking.”
Link Small Wins to Bigger Goals. “Making your bed might feel small, but it’s building habits that will help you forever.”
Normalize Micro-Moments. “Thanks for taking a deep breath instead of yelling.” That’s emotional regulation training in disguise.
Avoid the Parade Trap. Don’t throw a party for socks in the hamper. Balance matters.
Share Your Own Small Wins. “Finally folded the laundry today. Gold medal for me.” Kids learn adults celebrate little victories, too.
Family Rituals. Try a weekly “three wins” dinner. Everyone shares a small thing they’re proud of — no trophies required.

MISTAKES TO AVOID

Comparing siblings: “Your sister’s been doing this for years.”
Praising only perfection: “9/10? What happened to the other one?”
Turning every small win into a social media post.
Treating encouragement like it’s rationed.

THE PAYOFF

Small-win recognition doesn’t raise entitled kids. It raises resilient ones.

Resilience: They learn showing up daily matters.
Confidence: They feel proud even when they’re not “the best.”
Momentum: Little victories snowball into bigger ones.

Adult life also isn’t just about trophies and honor rolls. It’s paying bills on time, surviving Mondays, and remembering your online passwords. That’s all small wins strung together.

So yes — cheer the championship. But also cheer the math quiz they worked hard on, the apology they offered, or the choice to try again after failing. Because in the end, the “small” wins aren’t small at all. They’re the foundation of everything big.